Friday, November 20, 2009

'Tis the Season...

...for customers to be pissier than ever!


I never write here anymore, which is a shame because a nice brain-dump would do me some good once every few days or so.

The closer my boss gets to me, the more I think she dislikes me. But at least she plays nice...sometimes. Everyone else seems to like me. Even the crazy one. Go figure.

Yesterday I opened a credit account, got a pre-sale, and even made $275 over my goal. Guess who still got in trouble--yes ma'am. Me. So I have now learned that no matter what I do, I will still get yelled at. I may as well go on a spree of "wrong" because I can never seem to do right.

On a side note, Nick and I got a kitten. A beautiful calico monster named Daphne. She's in love with Nick, following him everywhere and cooing around him. She likes to claw and bite me. But when she thinks I'm sleeping, she'll jump on me and curl up and take her own long winter's nap. I love her.

Thanksgiving will be had at my mother's house this year. My aunt recently moved in with her and I've been craving her cooking ever since. The last time I went over, Mom heated up several things just so I could pick at everything (real food isn't always easy to come by). I love my aunt's cooking. I think Nick will enjoy the low-key southern-esque food fest. If he doesn't, I sure as hell will.

Christmas will most likely be at Mom's as well. It's not like we have anywhere to go..friends to go see. Damn shame. I'm a pretty good friend. Ah, well. Nick asked if I want x-mas lights on the balcony. I was like, "YES!" :)

Hopefully we'll get a little tree and break-resistant ornaments. I'm already planning Daphne's x-mas presents. Ha...

Sunday, October 11, 2009

No, I Don't Want to Help You

Clinique is taking a toll on me. Gift season is taking a toll on me. I'm getting retarded questions and demanding assholes that I just don't want to deal with. It's so obnoxious.

I was sick for a week. Got better. And now I've been sick for another week. Sort of getting better...

I've decided to plow through obscure netflix movies tonight. The first is No Vacancy (with Christina Ricci & Timothy Olyphant). It's pretty bizarre so far. Sleazy motel movies usually are. But damn, I'd be a liar if I said that Christina Ricci's rack isn't amazing. So jealous. She is my hero.

So be nice to your Clinique girls during gift. Because they're losing their fucking minds.

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Gift Season

GWP season is a hated season for Clinique employees. Can you blame us? The masses will be there with outstretched hands and lying eyes begging for one extra free gift. Do you know how silly you sound? Maybe you should've pre-sold with us and gotten extra samples like the few people who did with me. It's depressing that I haven't yet cracked a grand in pre-sells and I only have 4 more days to hit $3100. It ain't gonna happen. I think the most depressing part is knowing that I am going to be so tired next week that I won't even be able to enjoy the week away from school.


So if you come to Clinique, no, you can't have multiple gifts. Yes, I know it sucks that the Clarifying Lotion is only 20 dollars instead of 21.50. There's a reason for that. Also, I'd love it if you bought multiple things and didn't just come to get that goddamned DDML. Don't you know that hurts my sales?

So bear with me, ladies.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


Today is my mommy's 50th birthday. She doesn't look 50 and she certainly doesn't feel 50, but sure enough, she's 50.

I'm looking forward to spending today with her. I need a shower. I've also gotta pack some clothes and wait for Nick to call our lovely landlord about our lovely bedbugs. *grumbles*

I hate to drive all the way to CO Springs (BY MYSELF) only to have Nick come meet me 30 minutes later when they say GTFO. Goddamnit, I HATE BUGS.

Anyway, on to making today work. It's got to. I'm determined to give my mom a happy birthday.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

God Damn It.

We have bed bugs. They live in my bed. *#&@((((((@.

I hate my life.

Saturday, September 5, 2009


It never ceases to amaze me when people hand me compliments wholeheartedly.

A lady called me beautiful today. I know I blushed (even through the Clinique blush--"Smoldering Plum") and stared at the ground like the bashful little shoegazer I am. Her daughter agreed with her and they were saying how beautiful my skin was, my hair color, etc. etc. It felt good, but weird, of course. I guess I never take it for granted when people compliment me. I don't always believe them, but I accept them graciously.

Always accept compliments graciously because when they're not there anymore, you'll be sorry!

Note: I don't know if I'd consider myself to be beautiful, but I think I'm not a bad catch. No, I'm not fishing for more compliments. I'd probably blush all my rouge off again...

Friday, September 4, 2009

Days Off

I love days off. I sit around and do everything I can't do while I'm at work (i.e. nothing). I want to sit on my ass with no pants and eat cheese dip. Why no pants? I don't know. It's easier that way. Means I don't have to run the a/c.

Anyway, I've discovered that Californication is a fantastic series. I love Netflix.

I haven't got a lot to say in here lately. I had a fantastic birthday. Really, I did. Nick bought me the Sims 3, my mother and I got our nails done and ate ice cream cake, and way too many people called. I love them. I love them all. In fact, can I have another birthday?

Sunday, August 23, 2009

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Across the Universe always puts me in a better mood. I'm doing an assignment for my Apparel Analysis class and instead of just basking in the glory of Prudence singing "I Wanna Hold Your Hand", all I can think about is the rib knit on her sweater that enhances the fit of the garment, and the pleating and godets that are inset in her cheerleader skirt.

I always cry when Prudence sings that song. I'm a sucker. A sucker for this movie. A sucker for love. A sucker for someone beautiful singing so that I can pretend they're singing to me. My heart leaps when everyone in this movie sings.

Well, I've got more homework to do and a boyfriend who's sulking in the opposite side of the apartment. I hate that we have a desk in here now because he's more apt to spend time away from me. How can I be so lonely when he's just in the next room?

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Late Night

I tried to sleep in today. I pretty much rolled around in bed waking Nick up every five minutes. I'm just not good at sleeping in. I thought the late-night food and wine would help, but no. Nada.

I did, however, have this really weird dream about how I was going to be late for work (second one I've had!). Apparently I'd been on vacation and I hadn't told my job (kind of like Cinnamonster) that I had a new job at Clinique. So I was scrambling around for hours trying to find my Cinnamonster uniform and it was impossible. (God, I'm lame.) Then, when I did find it and was lacing my sneakers, a herd of naked men was at my door, digging in my mom's garden. (I mean that literally, not figuratively, of course.) I ran outside but it was too late...

...they'd found her weed. ::insert laughter::

Naked men scrounging around a garden EATING my mother's marijuana plant. So I ripped them from their hands and asked if they'd ever felt real pain! It was medical marijuana, apparently.

Goddamn fried fish before bed. LOL.

But anyway, I'll be up late tonight too. Thank God for being off tomorrow. HOMEWORK IN THE A.M. I work 2:45-3:15 tonight. YUCK! *makes face* I've got a frappuccino (sp?) that I'm going to down before work. Here's to hoping it ACTUALLY helps. Oh, and I've got two hours alone with Kim, who all the other girls think is crazy. At least Alyssa's there 'til 7!!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Curiouser and Curiouser....

Yesterday was a really odd day at work. I was incessantly complimented by one of my customers. She introduced herself as "Sora" (sp?) after she'd already called me beautiful 19 or 20 times. It unnerved me a little. She touched my skin and my hair and I really wanted to cry out and slap her hand away like your mom did when you were 3 and you were dangerously close to the stove burners.

I got to know Alex better. I think she's great. I like the way she says "Alyson". In fact, all the Spanish-speaking girls at work say my name so nicely.

I had more to write, but my boyfriend's being a dick. He's always like this when he talks to his brother. So fuck it, I'm done.

Sunday, August 16, 2009


I did my first two makeovers today...on 2 ten year old girls. :)

They were adorable. I could tell that the first little girl wasn't as happy with hers, but she was just so tan that all of the colors looked pale on her. The other little girl was as pale as I am with red hair and freckles. I know the first little girl just wasn't satisfied, but I really tried. Clinique just isn't "high impact" makeup, ya know?

At least their mom bought an eyeliner. But I was still about 10 bucks off my sales goal. Ouch. :(

Friday, August 14, 2009

I Hate People

I would have a lovely entry today about how work wasn't so bad, my feet weren't even hurting that bad, etc. etc., but then I stepped in toilet water.

Oh, yes. Toilet water. Because some asshole flooded the womens bathroom and I waded through it unknowingly. I was pissed (no pun intended).

This would have been okay because it happened about 30 minutes before I got off work. Not so bad, right? Wrong. When I got home, there was absolutely no place to park. I shit you not, I drove around for an hour and 45 minutes. I wanted to kill myself.

I'm just way too stressed out lately.

So I bought a dress for my birthday for 12 bucks from work. Chances are I can't find a bra to go with it and I'll look like shit anyway. It's not like I have any friends here. I'm pretty fucking miserable. Oh, and I bought work pants that I don't think I can wear to work. Score. At least they were only 13 bucks.

In other news, Mecca Grill has the best Lebanese food ever.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Polyester Doesn't Breathe--And Neither Can I

Before I start on the intangible mountains of homework that I'm currently plagued with, I'll update everyone. And by everyone, I mean the two people who actually read this.

Work is getting better every day. Monday was the first day that my boss wasn't a complete and total ass to me. In fact, she was nice. I know, it freaked me out too. Maybe it's because I had my lab coat for the first time. Maybe she thought to herself, "So she's a real employee now." Or maybe she just needed to get laid.

The lab coat fits as well as can be expected. The arms are too long and my arms are a little fat, so they don't mesh that well. It doesn't button, so I'll be wearing it fully open 24/7 (although that was the plan anyway). At least it's lined so that I'm not completely suffocated in that stark white polyester cocoon.

I'm getting better at color-matching. The lovely (very lovely) Alyssa removed all of her foundation Monday night so that I could not only practice color-matching, but applying it as well. She's awesome. I don't know how many times I thanked her. I actually retain things when Alyssa teaches them to me.

Sidenote: I matched her shade perfectly for the foundation that she used to use--she's since switched types.

Essentially, my sales are really good. I can expect to reap a lot of commission from this job (thank you, God). So, on to homework and then I'm going to join Nick in some Rock Band time. I just saw the track list for Guitar Hero 5 and I want it. I mean, c'mon--you can play as Shirley Manson. How cool is that?!? Not to mention the fact that if you buy GH5, you get GH Van Halen for free. I need moneyz!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Size 18, please

My lab coats came in today. They're sickeningly white with big silver buttons and shoulder-pads. I'm wondering if I can cut the pads out....

My boss still likes giving me Hell. She thinks I don't do enough. Then when I put myself out there and go for the proverbial gold, she tells me that I "don't know everything" and basically insinuates that I need to back off. Lady, I made 930 dollars for your counter today. MYSELF. So no matter how much you hate me, I earned an extra $3.72 an hour today for doing my best--even if you feel like my best just ain't enough.

I'm still having trouble color-matching darker skin tones. She's giving me hell for that too. I really wish I had friends here who I could practice on. It's not that I'm uncomfortable doing makeup, it's that I'm uncomfortable being put on the spot. Especially when it's coming from my ice queen of a boss.

On a lighter note, I made $14.72 since an hour today for doing my job AND I ate a feta/tzatziki gyro for lunch. OM NOM NOM. The commission from today almost makes up for the day I missed on Tuesday...well...except not really at all.

All I want is to finish my homework, have Nick come home from the game, and eat some more Greek food. Something tells me I'm not getting any of those things any time soon.

Friday, August 7, 2009

It's All Relative...

I'm wearing my ironic shirt. The one that talks about "Waves for Days"...Nick made fun of me because I've never surfed a day in my life. True, but it came in a lot I bought off of eBay and I wasn't about to chunk a perfectly good t-shirt.

Nick's taking his MPRE this morning and I noticed that he forgot his salad in the fridge, so now I'm in hyper-pseudo-wife mode. I wonder if he ate anything at all. I wonder if he's okay or if by now he's got a headache the size of Kansas. I wonder when he's coming home and if he's going to head straight for the scotch or if I get a kiss "hello". At least the Cubs game is tonight and Zambrano's pitching and he's already broken out his nice camera....

Work is pretty terrible. I can see why they refer to my position as the "revolving door". No one stays. My boss scolds me in front of customers and puts me in such bad shape that by the time I hit my apartment's door I'm ready to bite someone's head off and shit down their neck. I don't know why she hates me. Why her beady blue eyes glare at me from beneath her red bangs that are attached to that red bob (that I'm convinced is a wig) and those jowls aid her pinched lips in her face's permanent glare. I try really hard at work to be everything she wants me to be: pleasing, accommodating, patient, helpful, a whipping boy. Nothing seems to work. Maybe I'll get fired. I've never been fired from a job before. Can you imagine?

Happy Thoughts
  • the possibility that Carlos Zambrano will break a bat over his thigh tonight
  • knowing I got my first paycheck (a small one, but income nevertheless) and I can eat Greek food soon
  • seeing Nick smile at the baseball game
  • getting my lab coat tomorrow
  • Jason texting me about how pretty the moon was last night when it wasn't even dark here yet

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Condescension and Blisters

I worked my ass off today in my opinion, but Nick swears it's still there. My feet are killing me. They're in a world of hurt that I haven't felt in months. I tried my damnedest to do everything right today and I'll be damned if my boss didn't smash my ass to bits constantly.

By the time I got home, I was fuming and Nick kept protesting that I was screaming at him. I hate when he says I'm screaming at him because I'm never screaming at him, just to him. He made blueberry muffins to calm himself, I guess, but hey, I'm benefiting so I don't care.

Customers complimented me all day on my skin and how "beautiful" it is. It made me extremely uncomfortable because in my opinion my skin looks shitty right now. They're like, "You don't know what it's like to have bad skin!" You're right. I don't. But you don't know what it's like to be the only fat girl in Denver. I WIN!!!

Nick is going to be repeating this damned Family Guy sketch all night now. It's the one where Peter thinks Richard Gere is hiding the last Easter egg in his butt. He loves this episode. He's so cute.

So I'm not sure if I want to melt my feet off in the tub or weep that I can't have hummus and meat pies from Zeus. God damn it...when I have a paycheck I can waste, I'm going to eat a massive amount of Greek food. Like, I want hummus underneath my fingernails and the smell of schwarma that won't wash out of my hands. I hate being poor.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Sick Day

What should have been my second "real" day at work was pretty much doomed last night. I've been ridiculously sick (I won't go into detail) and all in all I'm pissed off that I'm missing out on a piece of a paycheck today.

This really blows.

If I get fired over this, I swear to God I'm raising Hell.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

First Day

Friday was my first "official" day working for Clinique. I would not, however, give myself the title of Clinique Consultant yet, because I haven't learned jack yet. Anyway....

I don't have the lab coat yet. I'm also terrified of said lab coat. I asked Alex, my gorgeous coworker from Ecuador, if she bleaches her coat to keep it clean. She insists that no, they say we can't bleach it and she takes a little brush and cleans it (and foundation usually doesn't come out). alhglhalwkdlgkaaljjjkskkkffff...I'm going to be screwed.

I do, however, have a packet of papers to read. I've skimmed the packet at least 5 times, and I've read most of the pages in full at least twice. I still don't feel like I know anything. Makeup is so hands-on, and I have a feeling that I'm going to be afraid to be hands-on with someone stealth-watching me all the time. I can only bloom when no one's watching me like a damned pot waiting to boil!

I learned a little about the products, but more importantly Alex showed me where everything was. Thank God for whoever labeled all the drawers.

I was introduced to many of the girls in cosmetics. I will say that Andrea from Lancome made the biggest effort to get to know me. I'm glad I'll be working close by her.

So no, I didn't put makeup on anyone yet, but I was able to help a few customers by grabbing the items that they needed.

I hope I can live up to their expectations. I'll post more on Tuesday/Wednesday once I've gone back to work.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Training Day

Leave it to me to get lost in a parking garage. C'mon, someone's bound to be able to sympathize with me on this. I zoomed around the garage countless times before realizing that with a few simple turns (that weren't marked as such) I'd be able to level up. Much swearing ensued once this was realized.

Training was more boring than I remember it being. I only got the mildest sense of enjoyment during the diversity training CD. Hearing some grey-haired man imply that his younger counterpart is a fag made me giggle. It was ridiculous to hear it coming through the headphones. You'd have to have been there, I suppose.

I skipped through quite a bit of the register training (considering I've done damned near everything there is to do on it) and managed to sneak out of there an hour before I was due to clock out. Considering I'm getting paid full wages for training, I don't know why I didn't just fart around for the extra hour. Conscience? Boredom? Hunger? All of the above.

Tomorrow is my first day on the floor "mirroring" my counter manager. I'm pretty nervous. I still don't feel like I'm qualified for the job, but here goes nothin'.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


My drinking plans for last night were foiled by Nick being sleepy and ill. I spent the night making a cake for no reason, stirring the crock pot, and watching The Best of Mike Myers from SNL. Truth be told, the quiet was nice, but I was worried about him so I didn't make myself a drink and I tucked us both in around midnight.

I spent most of today wondering what I should wear to orientation and coming to terms with the fact that I was going to be stuck in all-black attire again. It makes shopping easier, but I was just getting back into wearing color....

Orientation wasn't as boring as I thought it would be, but I did have to bite my tongue numerous times. It's hard when you really do know all about something and you're trying not to come off as a know-it-all. I met two other new associates: Odessa and Trish. Odessa was startlingly pretty with long eyelashes and a shy demeanor, while boisterous Trish (who borders on audacious) stumbled in 5 minutes late. We toured the Macy's which is much nicer to the one I'm used to and I secretly shopped in my mind. God help my Macy's card.

My counter manager did place her hand on my shoulder and tell me that she was very excited to have me working with her. Honestly, that was the high point of my day. I thought I'd blown the interview with her and I just had the vibe that she didn't like me. Luckily, I've been wrong a lot lately.

Tomorrow morning I have more training. Oh, boy... least my biggest worry right now is whether or not I gave them the right dress size for my lab coat. Once I have a paycheck most of my worries will have vanished.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

And so it begins....

After enduring way too many interviews (the count ended around 8 or 9), I finally procured a full-time job with Clinique. Sure, it might seem like just another mall job, but there's really a lot of potential to be had if I play my cards right. All in all I'm pretty darned excited and I can only hope that my self-sabotaging and carpal tunnel syndrome sit and spin while I play "counter girl" for a living.

To be honest, I thought the phone interview the Lauder company put me through was going to be my hamartia. I came away from it in tears and essentially melted into the couch while the boyfriend consoled me with forehead kisses and hand-holding. But lo and behold, my phone interview went "great" and I was offered the job this morning. My wallet will thank me later, I'm sure.

Tomorrow: Paperwork & Orientation Macy's style...putting forth little effort and getting paid for doing so--the American Dream.

Thursday: Register training: which, as a former Macy's employee, I should blow through quicker than a stack of cash at a flea market. (What? I like flea markets!) Too bad I won't be getting paid for speed bonuses.